answers to questions on my last post

The Dr's appointment for Gage went really well. Surprisingly well.

Ok, not so surprising because I gave him his meds right before we left.

We got there just on time, and timing is important when you have a "Gage" to deal with because the more bored he becomes, the more damage he will do to both tangible items as well as my sanity. We were in and out in less than a half an hour. One medicine was increased a bit and the other we are breaking up over the day instead of one big dose. So far I'm not seeing a huge difference, but here's hoping that it works soon.

We did some shopping this weekend, and Id say we spent more time out of our house than in it. For a child with special needs Gage did very well. He of course had melt downs but not as many as he could have. There were a few points though that I wanted to slap on lookers when Gage did act up. I think instead a card that reads something like this might be better...

Please excuse the tantrum you are witnessing as my child is coping with Childhood Bipolar Disorder and unfortunately cannot always behave in the way that society expects a child to behave in public. Please feel free to learn more about this disorder at www.bpkids.org or call the National Institute of Mental Health at 1-866-615-NIMH.

Although this would be more in line with what I am thinking...

Go away. Quit staring. Please have the decency to pretend you are ignoring us. Do YOUR children act like angels just because you want them to? Think you know better? You give it a try.

Someone asked me what I would like for people around me to do when a tantrum is occurring. I don't know for sure, but I know what I do when another child is throwing a tantrum...I go about my business and act like it doesn't even phase me, and honestly it doesn't. I have enough chaos of my own that I am not bothered by another mom's chaos. Sometimes I gesture or say something that lets them know I get it. What I don't do is stare, whisper, point, say nasty things just barely audible because I really want them to hear me, or the worst one...I don't butt in. Well meaning cashiers and on lookers who start talking to my kids in order to teach them right and wrong make ME want to throw a tantrum.

An example of a good experience we have had with an on looker was on Friday. I went to the eye Dr, with both boys with me, we met my husband for lunch, and then we went to EyeMart Express to get my prescription filled. The boys had been in the eye Dr for an hour, and in EyeMart for over a half an hour while I picked out frames. When it was time to leave and I asked Gage to put down the merchandise he was carrying around the store, he lost it.

Typical behavior for a bipolar child is to become irate when they are told no. Not all the time, but more often than not, and at this point Gage was tired.

While Gage was wrenching my wrist almost backwards and throwing himself to the floor at the same time, a teenage girl who had been playing with Max offered to help me out by taking Max to my car.

That was the most help I have ever received. I wasn't judged, she didn't claim to know what Gage needed, she just asked if she could make things easier on me. I was seriously stunned. I'm not sure if I was supposed to say yes or not, but I did. And when we got to the car she offered to put him in for me. I was ok at that point and thanked her over and over and put Max in myself.

I was so shocked and appreciative of this gesture. I guess that is what I want others to do. Be helpful either by not stressing me out more because you are talking about me, staring at me, teaching me or my child a lesson, or if you feel so inclined an actual gesture is nice too.

serious suckiness

"I want to take you outside, throw you on the grass, kick you, and poke your eyes out"

"I'm going to hurt you and make you bleed"

These are things said to me by my 4 year old in the past couple of days. If you are new here you might think this sounds pretty bratty, or really really awful. My son has a mood disorder. Childhood Bipolar Disorder. Unfortunately not much is written about this topic, it wasn't recognized as a real issue until the last decade, and it affects so many kids and their families yet no one knows about it.

Some info about this disorder can be found here... Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation

At this time my son seems to have either outgrown his meds and needs a dosage alteration, or he needs to try something else as his rage, aggression, and defiance have crept back in and now seem to be the dominating mood. There are swings still, but we seem to be in a longer than normal period of mania? hostility? I don't know what, but I sure am glad we have a Dr's appointment next week.

My daughter, who as some of you know is high functioning Autistic, is also quite hostile. Fortunately for me her hostility and attitude are verbal with ME, but with her siblings it is physical. I'm beginning to wonder if Autism isn't entirely the only issue for her. I think Bipolar is a possibility there as well. As well, I'm not sure Bipolar is Gage's only problem, I think he is Autistic.

Let's just say that things in this house have been a bit stressful in the past month or so. Add to that the palace we have moved into that needs work and well you have two stressed out adults who are about to become alcoholics if something doesn't give soon.

I know that I am usually funny (ok, I think I'm funny) but this is a serious topic.

I wish that parents of high functioning Autistic children and Bipolar children or children with any developmental delay or mental health illness did not have to feel shame every time they left the house. Our children look "normal". When my son has a meltdown I look like a bad parent. I cant throw my own tantrum like the on looking judgemental lady in line behind me wants. With a typical child that wouldn't make things any better, but with a child who is say Bipolar that is asking for even more trouble. So we go out hoping that we can get through lunch, dinner, shopping, a Dr's visit, a visit at a friend's home, without too much of a scene. We leave our house with extra medication for ourselves and sometimes for the kids. And, we learn to be very very defensive the first time someone looks at us.

And, it sucks.

What also sucks, is the fun statements we have to hear on a regular basis that sound something like...Autism/ADHD/Bipolar/OCD etc are "labels" handed out very easily to children. Or, medicating our children is something we do so as not to have to parent them.

What kind of a parent would I be if my child was diabetic and I didn't get them all the help they needed? You'd think I was awful. Well our children have diseases too. They aren't high profile or something you can physically see in most cases, but they are there and it would be grossly negligent if we stood by and did nothing about it.

I promise you that years in Dr's offices, therapists offices, dealing with schools, having no one to babysit your kids because of their behavior, and weighing the pros and cons every time a new med, or treatment is offered is not hiding from our parenting duties.

We have extra parenting duties that parents of typical children may never have thought of. Yes, we all baby proof our homes when little Poopsie starts crawling, but do most parents think about where they will hide their knives from the teenager?

Where they will go if their teenager is in a rage and their life is threatened?

Documenting all the Dr's visits, medication changes, and anything else they can find that proves your child has a disease so that when the police come because someone is screaming or you go to the hospital with a knife wound you can avoid having your child go to jail or your kids being taken from you?

Removing extra laces, skipping ropes, wire of any sort, and tie ups from jogging pants because your daughter will try to strangle herself, or someone else with them?

The suicide rate amongst these kids (and yes even in early childhood) is high.

Yes, we all have worries and we all watch out for our kids, but the exhaustion that comes with watching special needs kids is debilitating and so hearing that we are lazy parents looking for an out or an excuse makes me pretty damn angry.

Hmm, apparently I needed a place to rant.

im tired

I'm tired.

That's it.

I'm tired of...

*screaming children

*children with horrible attitudes

*talking to myself

*mud

*muddy dogs who leave paw prints all over the carpet and kitchen floor

*feeding people

*cleaning up after people have been fed and they have eaten nothing and now all the food is on the muddy dog printed kitchen floor

*walking into a lake in the bathroom because the girls had showers

*finding soggy toilet paper rolls after the girls have showers

*dispensing medicine to myself and the kids several times a day

*the landlord (we own our home but not the land it sits on) just entering our property whenever he feels like it

*picking up puppy poop

*changing diapers on a 4 year old (he has developmental issues)

*of anxiety and OCD

*of Bipolar Disorder

*of Autism

*of Endometriosis

*of caring too much about how my MIL treats my kids. She misses out, not them.

*of not ever having enough money

*of living in houses that "need work"

*of referring to my house as "needs work". Let's be honest, it needs a fortune and a crew of people to apply said fortune.

*of watching Cars. Oh boy I am really really beginning to hate that red car!

*of being fat

*of people who think they are better than others because they have more money

*of Spongebob. Seriously, how many more adventures can a sponge and a starfish really have? Go away Spongebob.

*and most of all, I'm tired of being tired!

annoyed

I'm blogging on my phone again because I can sit down, or rather in this case lie down. Of course typing on a full sized keyboard sounds like a much better plan but somehow I've convinced myself that two finger typing is the better option because I don't have to stand to do it.

Not real rational, I know.

I'm not feeling really rational though.

First off I've been in panic mode since mid afternoon. If you don't know what I'm referring to look back for posts on OCD or Hypochondria.

I was in Walmart when it started. I contemplated leaving a $200 grocery cart at the check out. My husband asks why I would do that when I had spent all that time collecting stuff and filling the cart...well, panic attacks aren't exactly logical. Hard to understand if you haven't had one before, I'm sure.

However, that is not why I am annoyed. I'm annoyed at my mother in law (from here on out referred to as MIL because typing on a Palm Centro in the dark with two hands is a bitch).

Anyway, tomorrow...ooooops today now...is Gage's 4th birthday. My mother in law is apparently not interested.

Interest in my kids has been an ongoing battle with her, but things seemed to be looking up. She was getting divorced and in need of help and support so she came around some more. Lizzie and Kayla both received gifts and had lunch and cake with her on their birthdays. Gage got a card in the mail. Max received even less than that, for the second year in a row.

The inequality of her affection for my children annoys me. The chain of affection runs greatest from oldest to youngest. Max is two and has received 2 gifts from her. One last Christmas that was a pajama suit that had flowers on it. Perhaps only seeing him a couple times had her confuse him for a girl? And, one this Christmas that was also pajamas. This time she figured out the sex, but it was two sizes two small. She didn't call when he was born, and has never acknowledged his birthday. With Gage it's been a tad better, and with the girls better still, but lukewarm at best.

Here is what makes this more annoying... After spending 12 hours devoted to moving her one weekend, the next weekend my husband offered to put her on our cell phone plan, because quite frankly her plan sucks. This in itself shouldn't be a big deal, unless you know that my MIL cant seem to make a decision for herself without 40 phone consults with my husband.

She has gone from being co-dependant on her husband, to being co-dependant on MINE.

Anyhow, my husband invites her for lunch today before we go to the cell phone store, she says yes. On her way she changes her mind because she is meeting friends later in the day and doesn't want to be full. Then, as we are eating our lunch at the restaurant, she calls and changes her mind yet again, but when she steps into the restaurant and sees it is a buffet she decides she doesn't want the food and will go across the street to the Chinese drive through.

Ok...whatever.

We go to the phone store, and at this point I'm aggravated with the whole phone thing, and now with the lunch stuff. Nothing can be simple.

The phone thing didn't end up working out, she said goodbye, and we parted ways.

So she drove to town (she lives in the middle of nowhere), saw my kids for 15 minutes, didn't say Happy Birthday to my son, didn't bring up his birthday when she talked to my husband later in the day, and couldn't be bothered to eat with him today at lunch. I don't know if I'm being petty, but at this point I'm quite annoyed, as the title says, because this is an ongoing trend with her.

Id like to say something witty or funny, seems like now would be the time to insert such a thing, but I just cannot do it tonight, morning, whatever this is. So, now, if you will excuse me I will go back to my impending heart attack/stroke/blood clot, and try to will my evil brain to let me sleep.

Happy Birthday Gage :)

Lots to crab about but only have the kitchen computer. Just don't feel very talkative while standing at the counter.

Netbook donations gladly accepted.

happy new year

Happy New Year...and while I'm at it..Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, etc.

I promise to actually blog again in 2010. I miss it.

Think I need to do some redecorating as well, I'm sick of looking at things the way they are!

Anyway, hope 2010 is a good year for everyone :)

where to begin?

I wish I knew where to begin in the story of where we are at right now. And by where we are at I'm not talking in some sort of frou frou metaphor, I mean how I ended up in a trailer park in Oklahoma.

Let's start with some background, in case you are new. I'm a Canadian, who met my American husband, while I was in Japan.

Confused yet?

We have 4 kids, little sanity, and a lot of antidepressants on hand.

I come from an area where there is some diversity in culture, opinions, religions, foods, and skin colors.

My husband comes from Oklahoma.
Enough said.

Moving here was a bit of a shock to my system. I thought I was prepared, I mean hey, I lived in Japan. They don't speak EngRish veLy well there, they eat different foods... sometimes things I wouldn't have ever considered food before.

Seaweed anyone?

What I didn't realize was that I wasn't going to understand half the people here either. Who knew there could be such a range of expressions used across one continent?

Anyway, I moved on from watching plays, to watching monster truck events. The transformation was slow, but my husband is always there to point out the assimilation.

Isn't he sweet?

So, why am I in a trailer park?

Well, I will say that there is a nasty story involving some selfish and conniving family members and a house we needed to fix up (for them, but we thought it was for us!), broken promises, a lot of animosity, a bankruptcy, and then finally we landed our current palace....






It was free.

Really.

You're shocked aren't you?

The lady said that if we moved it from her property, we could have it.








I think the tax office assesses this as just under $700. Which, incidentally, is also what the insurance for one year costs.

We are trying to make the best of this temporary situation. We are trying to fix stuff up as money and time allow. We know that in a couple of years we should be able to sell our castle and get a loan to move into a more modern shack house.

Would you believe that my assimilation has been so successful that my dream house is INDEED a double wide.

I so wish I was joking with you.

I would like to have a nice big piece of land, and a brand new mobile home, with brand new appliances, nothing to fix, and nothing to think about for the first few years.

And then have a bonfire with the contents of our current house.

The appeal in a new mobile home is that EVERYTHING is new. You can specify with what you want the manufacturer to build things. And, let's face it, I'm never going to be able to afford a home built from bricks. So... I may as well get what I want for what I can afford.

We often watch House Hunters International. Have you seen it? The couple see three houses and by the end of the show they choose their next home. The announcer lady always says something like...

"Will they choose house#1, the one by the beach?" "Will they choose house# 2, the one with the great views?" "Or, will they choose# 3, the house with the large rooms?" And then they choose their home and we see where they are at a few months later.

We imagine our show would go something like this....

Will they choose house #1
The rental with crackheads for neighbors?

Will they choose house #2
The fixer upper needing a new roof, floors, doors, windows, and has termites?

Or will they choose house #3
The one on wheels.

Guess you know how our show ends.
Stay tuned for the scenes from a few months later.