the ramblings of a bored housewife

My friend Raina posted this in a private forum over the weekend. She doesn't have a blog at the moment, and I thought this was too funny to not share!

Enjoy!

The ramblings of a bored housewife.

I am lazy. I admit. I love laying in bed. Before I had kids, if I wasn't out of the house actively doing SOMETHING, I was in my bed. Reading, watching tv, talking on the phone..whatever. For obvious reasons, I cannot do that anymore. So after the kids go to bed, you can often find me up here in my own bed. Not sleeping..but relaxing and trying to just quiet my mind.

While I lay in bed, I like to have my blinds open so I can look at the sky. Now, Ive never been one to shut my blinds or curtains or whatever. Up until I met Joe I never thought to even shut them. I change clothes, etc in front of the open window. I mean, my bedroom has always been on the second floor, minimum, except for when I lived in a basement apartment and in that situation my windows faced the backyard. I honestly don't think anybody is hanging around staring up at our house just waiting to see what I will do next. Call me crazy. I'm too boring.

Now Joe, on the other hand, thinks the whole world is out to get a glimpse of his balls. He will throw one of his patented Joe sized fits if he comes in here after taking a shower and the blinds are open. He will literally throw himself on the floor and army crawl over to shut the blinds.

INSANITY.

So here was my compromise. I leave the bottom four or so inches open so I can just get a glimpse of outside while laying here. This is also no good for Joe. Would you like to know why? Of course you do.

I leave it open (and its open right now and I'm giddy with the excitement of seeing him lose his shit) and he struts in here naked after getting out of the shower and does the following:

OHWHATTHEFUCK.YOUARESUCHANASSHOLE.

that's the beginning. and then.....

YOU DO THAT ON PURPOSE SO ITS RIGHT AT NUTBAG LEVEL!!!!!

Yes. Because the world is laying in wait to see Joe's nuts.

friday fill ins

1. I grew up thinking that Smurfs were a lot bigger than they really are.

2. FaceBook was the last website I was at before coming here.

3. Why don't you go get me a McChicken?
Seriously, I reeeeally want one.

4.Wine, TV, a tidy house help me relax.

5. Thanks for the memories...
What?! You don't remember Bob Hope?

6.My MIL is very off-putting.
Betcha didn't know I felt that way.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to not cooking, tomorrow my plans include grocery shopping and Sunday, I want to fake sick so I can stay in bed all day spend time with my family!

Want to do your own Friday Fill In? Go here!

where have i been?

I know I haven't been around much lately. I haven't been reading my friend's blogs, or writing here much at all.

One of the reasons is that I feel too crabby. I know that sounds like a joke, it isn't, and how silly to say that the author of a blog called Crab Goggles is too crabby to write, but it is true.

I guess really I have been more depressed, or anxious, or stressed out to write. Of course all those things DO make me crabby too, but it isn't the crabby that is fun to read, like why I want to smack the crap out of people who park to close to my side door on my van, or why a certain cashier who was put out at my audacity to expect her to do her job should be locked in a room of rabid pit bulls. That stuff is sort of funny, the recent stuff not so much.

So, just an update...

If you have been reading for a while you know I have OCD/Anxiety. I have battled with mood issues, anxiety, OCD, and panic attacks for years. In the past couple of years I have been feeling different, more angry, shaky, easily upset. My moods seemed to change drastically by the hour and were very affected by circumstances around me. I got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore and I saw a psychiatrist. We went through a bunch of med combinations. Some worked, some didn't, but since Max was born I felt like nothing was working right. I saw my Dr just recently and we decided to move on to Bipolar medications. Since this switch my moods have been so much more even. I have more control over my emotions. I'm not angry and shaky everyday for no reason at all.

Another thing keeping me from blog land was my son, Gage. I've talked about my daughter on here, she has Asperger's, but I don't say a lot about Gage. Mostly because Gage is somewhat indescribable, and describing him makes it sound like we are horrible parents that have no control over him, or like he is an incredibly awful brat.

We have been seeing a developmental pediatrician for him for over a year now. After some trial and error with medications, and a good look at his daily behavior it is clear that he has Bipolar Disorder (interesting information a few weeks after my Dr put ME on Bipolar medications). Gage's Dr told me that based on what he had seen with Gage, and our reports, that he felt he probably had a mood disorder. I then told him about myself, and my husband. We both have mood disorders ourselves. He kind of smiled at me and took more notes. So we are giving his current medications (more suited to ADHD) another go, maybe for insurance sake, but he told us that at the next appointment we would be doing a blood test for baseline information and then we would try Bipolar medication with him.

This is a huge relief to us. Pediatric Bipolar Disorder wasn't recognized until earlier this decade, and I'm so glad that it finally has been recognized. It is nice to finally feel like it isn't our fault, this is just who Gage is. I hope some new medications will bring us the relief he needs, and the relief we need.

In other news, we were also approved for respite. So hopefully someday soon Grant and I will be able to have a few hours to ourselves. I could definitely use a break, and we could definitely stand to have some alone time.

Hopefully, as we get Gage adjusted to his new medications, and we see our behavior therapist for help managing his behavior, I will feel like participating in blog land more. For now, please don't feel like I have forgotten you. I'm still here, and I still read on and off, just not like before. For now.

six unimportant things....

Becca, from Becca's Backyard has tagged me!

Here is how it goes...

Mention the person who tagged you.
List 6 Unimportant Things that Make You Happy
Tag 6 More Blogs

Here we go....

1. coffee. specifically iced mocha's.

2. t.v. I couldn't live without cheesy sitcoms

3. random text messages from friends and my husband.

4. getting mail...the real kind, not a bill or a solicitation to buy something.

5. cheese. I love cheese. When I was living in Japan I found that the cheese there wasn't quite like the cheese here. I was so very very unhappy. I need cheese.

I tag....
I don't know! I haven't been playing in blog land much lately, so I don't know who has done this! So if you are looking for an easy post, go ahead and give it a try!!

love

Check out the link to the right in my blog list. Click on "Because I love my wife". My husband has written a post for me :)

personal lubrication and body piercing

Have you ever bought something at the store and then thought,

hmmm, I now have to go have casual conversation with a cashier and try not to die of embarrassment while they scan ________ .

Fill in the blank with whatever fun item you would find embarrassing...
tampons,
lice treatment,
condoms,
fat blockers,
anti diarrhea medicine

or if you are me,
personal lubrication products

So I'm grocery shopping Sunday, I put the stuff in my cart and think,

hmmm now I have to go have casual conversation with a cashier and try not to die of embarrassment while they scan KY Jelly.

I'm 33, I have four kids, I obviously have sex. I shouldn't be embarrassed anymore about such things, but I still am a tad embarrassed.

However, the bigger issue was that I live in conservative Oklahoma where most of the cashiers are old religious ladies or teen girls.

So I'm thinking,

Old lady + personal lube = heart attack.
I have too much of a conscience to ever get over my need for sex being the cause of an old lady's death.

OR

Teen girl + personal lube = extreme embarrassment on both of our parts.
I don't really want to be the cause of some teen girl being scarred for life. I have my own children to ruin.

So I'm about to check out, I'm walking back and forth like a stalker, looking down all the aisles for

1. a cashier who looks friendly, because if you recall I'm not ok with nasty cashiers,
2.a person that looks like they could handle scanning lube.

I saw three young guys who looked like they could be Jehovah's Witnesses, or door to door religious people of some sort. I Doubt they are even allowed to scan lube.

I saw old ladies, young crabby looking women, and teens.

Crap.

I couldn't even get out of it because the lube was buried under $150 worth of non-embarrassing, non-old lady killing, non- teen scarring items.

And then somewhere in the middle I spotted him. He had piercings, he looked about 25 ish, and he was laughing with the customer he was currently looking after. He met the criteria. Surely a little lube was not going to scare a guy who has holes in his face.

And, I was right. He didn't seem to care at all. He spent the time talking to me about food.

I'm going to have to think this through next time, buy the embarrassing stuff by itself and use a self check out lane. Of course those self check out things never work so inevitably some cashier is going to be affected by my personal lube.

The other item that it bothers me to buy,

pregnancy tests.

Even when I have my kids with me, I still feel like the cashier is looking at me like I am a promiscuous teen.

What's your embarrassing item?

bras

I heard on the radio that a survey of over 2000 women showed that they washed their bras 6 times a year.

6 times a year.

For the math challenged, that is 2 months without washing your bra.

So, I was horrified and decided to look into it further. I found that they survey also showed that the average number of bras the women owned was 15 and that the average wear time was 7 days, which to me is still icky, but WAY less icky than 2 months at a time.

How many bras do you own?
How many times do you wear before washing?

palm pre

I'm just a TAD excited at the survey I just took. I was checking my email for the millionth time today....

WHAT?

You think I'm exaggerating?

Ok, the 856, 765th time, sorry.

Anyway, I was checking my email again and I saw an article on the main page looking for reviewers for the Palm Pre. If you recall this post then you know I loooooove my phone. I have a Palm Centro right now, and it basically does almost everything for me. Although I haven't quite figured out how to teach it to cook.

HATE cooking.
LOVE my phone.

Pray, chant, cross your fingers, do whatever it is you do, that I might get this phone to review.

Who knew I could get this excited on "Crabby Thursday"?!

childbirth, sort of...

This post is really about a childhood friend of mine. She reads this blog, and she needs to be told that she is either delusional or very mean.

She will know who she is as she reads....

A friend of mine had a baby at around age 20, this isn't the important part, what IS important is that she was the first of our group of friends to give birth to a baby, and therefore her experience was etched in my own head when it was time for me to have a baby.

I can't honestly say I remember her whole pregnancy, circumstances at the time had us not communicating much, but we were back in contact again a while after her little girl was born, and she was a CUTIE! Anyway, when I asked her about her labor (which was a routine out the baby chute kind of birth) I was told,

"it really wasn't all that bad. It was sort of like strong menstrual cramps."

Hmm, I can do that!

She had another baby a couple of years later, and really no one else close to me, close to my age, had even one baby and she was on two, so I thought I would ask her again, and I believe her response was similar.

So I truly, on the day of my first born's delivery, thought of this friend.

She can get through this, so can I. She said it was just bad cramps, seriously, I have endometriosis, I know about BAD cramps. I can do this.

And then three hours later I was getting my epidural because my friend is a liar.

I was contemplating this scenario this morning as my stomach was warning me that it was about to be that time of the month, because I don't know about you, but my body is fully in tune with the menstrual process.

One week of before period exhaustion, cramps, and moodiness.

A week of period including cramps and moodiness, and an extreme NEED for carbs.

One week of niceness.

And a week dedicated to "I need sex because I'm ovulating and could you please just find me some sperm?".

So really, If you want to have a decent non life threatening encounter with me, you must schedule during that one week of good days, or you must be heavily equipped with some pasta and chocolate.

Anyway, that is what I was thinking about this morning. I laughed to myself as I thought that my friend either has a high pain thresh hold, that she is just a mean spiteful lady, or that she had some damn good drugs.

To clarify, I had an epidural with baby 1. She came out sunny side up, I had a ridiculous episiotomy to get her out because she was hung up. No epidural was counteracting this event.

Baby two was impatient. She broke my water, and then tried to come out on her own before the Dr had even seen me. I asked for an epidural and apparently got the student anesthesiologist who numbed my left thigh only, and did a damn good job of just that. I felt all of my labor, but that thigh was nice and numb for three days.

Baby three, I gave up on the idea of an epidural. I had made it through the second labor without it essentially, and I only flung ice at everyone in the room once, so I gave it a try.

Menstrual cramps HA!

Baby number four was a C section so this is a whole other experience, although I'm pretty sure my friend's story would have been something like this.

ME: How was your recovery period?
HER: Just like recovering from the flu.

HA!

My advice to pregnant ladies, or anyone thinking of becoming pregnant, is to assess your own pain threshold. While it certainly wasn't menstrual cramp-like, I still survived and if I were to have a miracle baby (Grant has had a vasectomy) I would again go with no epidural. But don't believe smiling friends who tell you it is a piece of cake.

They are liars!!

I heart you L ;) Even if you did mislead me!