where to begin?

I wish I knew where to begin in the story of where we are at right now. And by where we are at I'm not talking in some sort of frou frou metaphor, I mean how I ended up in a trailer park in Oklahoma.

Let's start with some background, in case you are new. I'm a Canadian, who met my American husband, while I was in Japan.

Confused yet?

We have 4 kids, little sanity, and a lot of antidepressants on hand.

I come from an area where there is some diversity in culture, opinions, religions, foods, and skin colors.

My husband comes from Oklahoma.
Enough said.

Moving here was a bit of a shock to my system. I thought I was prepared, I mean hey, I lived in Japan. They don't speak EngRish veLy well there, they eat different foods... sometimes things I wouldn't have ever considered food before.

Seaweed anyone?

What I didn't realize was that I wasn't going to understand half the people here either. Who knew there could be such a range of expressions used across one continent?

Anyway, I moved on from watching plays, to watching monster truck events. The transformation was slow, but my husband is always there to point out the assimilation.

Isn't he sweet?

So, why am I in a trailer park?

Well, I will say that there is a nasty story involving some selfish and conniving family members and a house we needed to fix up (for them, but we thought it was for us!), broken promises, a lot of animosity, a bankruptcy, and then finally we landed our current palace....






It was free.

Really.

You're shocked aren't you?

The lady said that if we moved it from her property, we could have it.








I think the tax office assesses this as just under $700. Which, incidentally, is also what the insurance for one year costs.

We are trying to make the best of this temporary situation. We are trying to fix stuff up as money and time allow. We know that in a couple of years we should be able to sell our castle and get a loan to move into a more modern shack house.

Would you believe that my assimilation has been so successful that my dream house is INDEED a double wide.

I so wish I was joking with you.

I would like to have a nice big piece of land, and a brand new mobile home, with brand new appliances, nothing to fix, and nothing to think about for the first few years.

And then have a bonfire with the contents of our current house.

The appeal in a new mobile home is that EVERYTHING is new. You can specify with what you want the manufacturer to build things. And, let's face it, I'm never going to be able to afford a home built from bricks. So... I may as well get what I want for what I can afford.

We often watch House Hunters International. Have you seen it? The couple see three houses and by the end of the show they choose their next home. The announcer lady always says something like...

"Will they choose house#1, the one by the beach?" "Will they choose house# 2, the one with the great views?" "Or, will they choose# 3, the house with the large rooms?" And then they choose their home and we see where they are at a few months later.

We imagine our show would go something like this....

Will they choose house #1
The rental with crackheads for neighbors?

Will they choose house #2
The fixer upper needing a new roof, floors, doors, windows, and has termites?

Or will they choose house #3
The one on wheels.

Guess you know how our show ends.
Stay tuned for the scenes from a few months later.

i dont want to push it

I know I promised to tell you about how hick my life has become, but I have a bit of a crabby rant I'd like to get off my chest first.

Which really reads something like, I have a rant I'd like to get off my saggy chest so that it doesn't get caught up in my knees.

My husband and I took the kids to a water park one day in the summer and I overheard two moms talking.

Ok, I was eves dropping and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

So they are talking about Lady A's newborn and cooing about how cute he/she was when Lady B asks the question that was expected of her...

Are you planning on having more?

Lady A's response was something like this...

So and So's baby was just born with (insert disability here), and we just feel so happy that baby is healthy and normal, we don't want to push it.

And, Ive heard similar remarks from other parents. You may have too and not noticed it, but as a mom of a daughter on the Autism Spectrum, and a son with a mood disorder, I have to say this sounds a tad offensive to me.

The risk of having a child with a disability is enough to make you stop having kids?

really?

This is a touchy subject, or rather it could become a touchy subject as there are people who feel it is ok to terminate a pregnancy because they found out the baby has a "defect". I personally feel that is rather selfish, but I'm more concerned with the ignorant lady in the park right now who really has no idea who is around her with their own (insert special need) family member when she is saying such things.

And, I realize that while she is spewing off something I find offensive, it's probably best that she doesn't get pregnant again for fear that she would have a special needs child because A. she may terminate, and B. she would probably not be the ideal mother for such a child as shown by her huge outpouring of compassion and thoughtfulness for those around her.

I also realize that we are very very lucky. There is a wide range in the definition of what special needs can mean. Otherwise healthy children with Autism or a mood disorder are really on the milder end of the definition. However, I cannot sit by and listen to someone imply that these children would be a burden without my crabby little claws coming out.

where the %*@$ am i?

I haven't the time at this very moment to give you the details because honestly my newly turned 2 year old is sitting on top of my dining room table, at another table and chairs that are stacked on top, and as much as I enjoy multitasking, typing and trying to keep him from killing himself just aren't working for me...but let's just say that if you were following how my husband's poetry went from romance to hick as I got myself more and more entrenched in life in Oklahoma...

well, it got worse!

Stay tuned.

yahoo is a comedian

When you Yahoo search "Crab Goggles", Im honored to say, my page comes up first.

What caught me off guard was this description that is beneath it...I copied and pasted it from the search...

Crab Goggles
....that the author of a blog called Crab Goggles is too crabby to write

I have no idea why it amuses me so much that the line that comes up first is me saying Im too crabby to write. I wonder how this stuff is chosen?

i miss my goggles

Ok, so I still have the goggles, but I miss sharing them with all of you. Don't you feel special now?

I will wait while you think about how to best answer without hurting my feelings too much.

Go ahead.

My point is that I miss writing here. I don't often have a clue what I can write about and sometimes I start to feel overwhelmed, like I HAVE to visit the 8 million other blogs I enjoy reading daily. And, I HAVE to write here daily. Really, if I spent all day reading all the blogs I enjoy, I wouldn't even get a chance to pee.

(of course you know I would just cough and pee myself anyway)

So once I get into blogging, and reading, I become sort of overwhelmed. Apparently there is no middle ground?

But I will give it a go again.

To be honest I am also considering starting another blog. This will be here for crabbing and deep thoughts...

*snort*

and the other would be a bit different. A weight related site.

The Chunky Crab maybe?

Anyone seen the show Ruby on the Style Network? Ruby is a woman who is on a weight loss journey and has been followed by the Style Network. She also blogs about her journey. I am so in awe of her. This woman is so confident, and not afraid to show herself to the world.

I personally would like to find a nice corner to hide in, with a blanket over top of me, and maybe sometimes I would write things out on a dry erase board for people to read. Throw a carrot or two under the blanket and cover your eyes as you do it.

If you haven't seen Ruby before, check her out. She is so fun to watch.

Of course going back to my earlier point about being overwhelmed easily, maybe having TWO blogs to think about is a bad idea. Maybe the "Chunky Crab" could be a one day a week feature...

right here amongst all my deep thoughts....

*snort*

crabby crab

I'm actually blogging from my phone right now.

Is my computer broken?

No...although now that I have said that, it will be.

What I am doing is hiding from my kids!! One out of four is awake and watching tv in her room. The second I stand up, everyone will be awake and in my room. So I'm hiding until either everyone wakes up on their own, or my bladder explodes.

I'm taking bets on which will happen first...

Kind of amusing to think of a grown woman, in her bed, hiding under the covers,typing out nastiness, on a tiny pink lit up keyboard.

Yeah, ok, it's not so much amusing as it is sad. I know.

What is making me crabby lately...

Asshole family members.

Yes, I know, going to Hell for calling family members assholes, but,

A) they aren't MY family members

B) they really are assholes

I won't get into details because I can't type fast enough on my phone to keep up with my anger, but I will say that with just two weeks left until school starts I have to look for a place to live so I can get the kids into their new school. Instead of starting and moving them after they have made some friends.

This topic makes me the most angry I have been in a while.

This isn't just crabby, this is rage.

Hmmm...The Raging Crab...sounds like a good name for something!!

Anyway, please keep your fingers crossed, light candles, chant, dance, pray...whatever it is that you do, that things work out for us, and quickly.

Also, if you know any spells, hexes, curses, or voodoo feel free to do your thing. ;)

randoms and a couple of pictures

I have discovered Farm Town, Farm Ville, and Farm Buddy on Facebook. Unfortunately this means that I am spending way too much time growing fake food, and less time feeding people real food.

You're worried again aren't you? I promise...they are fed well.
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Grant and I have been watching a lot of fantasy stuff. If you had've asked me to watch fantasy stuff 10 years ago I would have looked at you like you had three heads. Now I am watching True Blood, Merlin, and loving Harry Potter. Ok not LOVING him, but Professor Snape is kind of a sexy dude.

Cant wait till my husband reads this :)
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We took the kids to a splash pad this weekend. We do this often, but this weekend we found one that we really like. The kids like it too...










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why summer sucks

So I'm still here, uninspired and exhausted. The 2/4 kids who are old enough to go to school have been on summer vacation since mid May and I am about to go nuts. They return to school mid August...in fact it's a little less than a month away and I am beginning to count down the hours minutes seconds.

A few things are contributing to this exhaustion....

Coming Up With Meals For Them Three Times A Day

I realize you are now thinking...HMMMM does she not feed the other two during the school year?

Somehow, and this may just be all in my mind, it seems like less work and thought to feed just the boys. The girls have breakfasts and lunches provided by the school during the school year.

So I am at a point where I personally would be ok with feeding the kids peanut butter (protein) jelly (fruit) sandwiches (bread = carb) with some milk (dairy) for every meal. I imagine this is probably a form of abuse. At least that is what they will tell their therapists in the future I imagine.

And there WILL be therapists.

Playing Referee

My throat hurts from screaming at people.

Yeah, I know, more therapy material.
Luckily 2/4 of them are already in therapy. We are well ahead of ourselves there. And, I'm more than willing to admit to the various therapists that I suck and I resort to yelling, screaming, flapping my arms, making ridiculous idle threats, and finally whining at my husband to "fix it".

Climate

Mother Nature is cruel. She apparently never had 4 kids all under the age of 7 stuck in a house. If she had experienced such things she wouldn't make it so hot that it hurts to breathe when you are outside, and she would not make it rain just enough on a weekly basis to make my yard a mud pit that not only the kids should stay out of but one that my dog seems to LOVE to lie in right before he comes into the house.

You too are on my crab list, Mother Nature.

And The Cost Of Family Fun...

This one is a two part issue. Of course this is partly about money...As in why does it cost me a small fortune to take my kids to a community pool? Or, why does it cost as much as a car payment to go to the aquarium?

I know, you wonder why I don't just take them to the park (free), but I'm personally not okay with my children's' skin melting on contact with the playground equipment (see above statements about Mother Nature).

The other part is not so much about money as it is about the soul sucking, energy draining, exhaustion that comes with actually leaving the house with the kids.

Again, you are thinking....HMMMM she doesn't feed the kids, and she doesn't let them out of the house?!

I do, we go out frequently. In fact, since we really have no baby sitting arrangements available to us, the kids go everywhere with us. But, driving in the van listening to Gage screaming at Max because he looked at him, Max whining because he dropped his sippy cup, Lizzie touching Kayla and squealing while Kayla is screaming at Lizzie to stop...this doesn't put me in family fun frame of mind so much as it makes me want to drop them off at a skin scorching playground while I find some place to curl up in a ball and rock back and forth with a bottle of wine in my hand.

2,316,977 seconds left (and even less by the time you read this!)

the ramblings of a bored housewife

My friend Raina posted this in a private forum over the weekend. She doesn't have a blog at the moment, and I thought this was too funny to not share!

Enjoy!

The ramblings of a bored housewife.

I am lazy. I admit. I love laying in bed. Before I had kids, if I wasn't out of the house actively doing SOMETHING, I was in my bed. Reading, watching tv, talking on the phone..whatever. For obvious reasons, I cannot do that anymore. So after the kids go to bed, you can often find me up here in my own bed. Not sleeping..but relaxing and trying to just quiet my mind.

While I lay in bed, I like to have my blinds open so I can look at the sky. Now, Ive never been one to shut my blinds or curtains or whatever. Up until I met Joe I never thought to even shut them. I change clothes, etc in front of the open window. I mean, my bedroom has always been on the second floor, minimum, except for when I lived in a basement apartment and in that situation my windows faced the backyard. I honestly don't think anybody is hanging around staring up at our house just waiting to see what I will do next. Call me crazy. I'm too boring.

Now Joe, on the other hand, thinks the whole world is out to get a glimpse of his balls. He will throw one of his patented Joe sized fits if he comes in here after taking a shower and the blinds are open. He will literally throw himself on the floor and army crawl over to shut the blinds.

INSANITY.

So here was my compromise. I leave the bottom four or so inches open so I can just get a glimpse of outside while laying here. This is also no good for Joe. Would you like to know why? Of course you do.

I leave it open (and its open right now and I'm giddy with the excitement of seeing him lose his shit) and he struts in here naked after getting out of the shower and does the following:

OHWHATTHEFUCK.YOUARESUCHANASSHOLE.

that's the beginning. and then.....

YOU DO THAT ON PURPOSE SO ITS RIGHT AT NUTBAG LEVEL!!!!!

Yes. Because the world is laying in wait to see Joe's nuts.